Essay: A Memorable Birthday
Essay: A Memorable Birthday
Jan 7, 2016
Lake Effect essayist Elaine Maly’s birthday is tomorrow. But as she looks ahead to the next one, she also looks back at a notorious one from her past:
My birthday is January 8th. Two weeks after Christmas and one week after New Years, in the dead of Wisconsin’s winter. It’s usually not much of a celebration. I’ve had a birthday gathering that was canceled due to a six foot snowfall. A birthday when no one, not even my mother, remembered to send a card. Oh, and then there was the year I turned 40. I had an emergency tonsillectomy. Yep, at best, my birthday has been just another day for my entire adulthood.
Except for last year. I was turning 59, the last year of a big decade, and I had just quit a job that paid well but sucked the joy out of life. It was time to get out of the god forsaken freezer we live in and let our friends, California Dave and his wife, Misao, show us a good time. Dave and Misao live in San Jose and are wonderful hosts. My husband, Tom, and I had visited them many times before and they knew exactly what I would like. The morning of January 8th we set out for a long hike in the red woods of Henry Cowell Park and had a picnic lunch. Then on to wine tasting at Beauregard Winery. Late afternoon we headed to Bonny Doon beach to watch what promised to be a glorious sunset.
As we started our slightly tipsy descent down the sand dunes with a blanket to find a comfortable viewing spot, something besides the setting sun caught our attention. A paunchy middle aged naked guy with shoulder length white hair, who had a remarkable resemblance to my husband from a distance, was running laps between dunes.
“Hey, that guy could be Tom’s stunt double,” said Dave. A humorous observation. There were distinct similarities. But seeing a naked guy wasn’t a big deal. We’d been to this beach before and been exposed to similar situations. This is a nude friendly beach but we’re not the type to indulge.
We had just settled down on our blanket to watch the sunset when Misao inexplicably got up and took off after Naked Guy. Most of the time, Misao is pretty quiet and reserved but every once in a while, she surprises us. Like the time she yelled “Heat it up, heat it up” at the craps table at Potawatomi. Or the time she leaned over the balcony to blow kisses to the cast of Jersey Boys. Or the time she scolded me for being impatient with my husband. She later apologized for “going all Japanese on me.”
We could see that Misao and Naked Guy were exchanging a few words and then they turned and ran back to the blanket together.
“Oh, no she didn’t,” I said and had serious thoughts about running the other way.
“I hear it’s your birthday,” said Naked Guy.
“Yes it is,” I said trying to avert my gaze.
“Well, happy birthday,” said Naked Guy with a shrug and returned to his jiggly lap running.
“Nope,” said Tom who had the same close up view I did. “No way that guy could be my stunt double.”
I laughed so hard I snorted merlot out of my nose. “If I was going to see a naked guy on my birthday, couldn’t it have been Antonio Banderas?”
Essayist Elaine Maly is the 2015 winner of the Wisconsin Writers Association’s humor writing contest. She writes about her life as a native Milwaukeean at her website .
Essay: Christmas Gifts
Dec 23, 2015
Tomorrrow is Christmas Eve – or maybe more accurately, tomorrow night is Christmas Eve. Some among us will open their presents at that juncture, while others will wait until Christmas itself.
For Lake Effect essayist Elaine Maly, the timing of the gifts isn’t really the issue:
Playwriting Lesson: Some Stories Aren’t For You To Tell
Nov 30, 2015
Playwright and Lake Effect essayist Alvaro Saar Rios has told many powerful stories through his work over the years. But it was a play he didn’t write that guides his work today:
Ten years ago, when Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans, I was living in Texas working on commission for a new play. My first draft deadline was weeks away and I still had no idea what the play was going to be about.
No. That’s not true. I did have a title.
Essay: Micro Adventures
Nov 25, 2015
Today is the day before Thanksgiving. Friday is the day after, known in the retail world as Black Friday. Where will you be on that day? Just as significantly, Lake Effect essayist Cari Taylor Carlson knows where she won’t be:
In my opinion, REI, a purveyor of outdoor equipment and clothing, got it right when they announced they would close all one-hundred-forty-three stores and pay twelve thousand employees to take Black Friday off. They call it #OPTOUTSIDE. I say, instead of shopping, go find a micro adventure.
Essay: Heeding the Wiener Whistle
Nov 23, 2015
For almost a hundred years, the descendants of a German immigrant owned the meat company he founded in Chicago in 1904. But the Oscar Mayer company was eventually sold – several times – and is now owned by Kraft Heinz. Its headquarters are currently in Madison. But as Lake Effect essayist Avi Lank notes, that, too, will soon change.